School isn’t what it used to be.

With that being said, allow me to introduce myself- I am the Ghost of Reason. Now firstly, I am not really a ghost, so don’t start pissing your panties. This is a pseudonym. The nature of my day job as a teacher prevents me from using my real name- if I’m going to be grammatically/electronically decimating 13-year-old kids, I want anonymity.

So why am I a ghost? Because I am mourning the loss of our society’s ability to think rationally. At least the Romantics thought with their hearts. We think with our ass cheeks. In other words, we don’t think much at all. And as an educator of middle schoolers, I am able to witness this societal, moral and intellectual deterioration first hand. Over the last few decades, we as a society have become intellecually dead. We have lost the desire to learn and explore. The light has gone out. But as educators, we have the ability to inspire and hopefully reverse this trend. All you can do is try. And I do, every day.

Of course, when you don’t succeed- laugh about it. It’s a coping mechanism.

And that’s why we’re here on this blog. To laugh and to make you laugh. So buckle in and set your haw-haws on stand-by. This is going to be rapid fire. The first day of school approaches…

Now then, on the matter at hand- how has school changed since I was a young lad? Don’t get me wrong, some things retain their familiarities. For example, we still use those big wheely-carts with TVs on them. Pencils and pens are here to stay. The busses are still yellow, thank God. And most importantly, lily white suburban 8th graders still think they’re tough as King Shit.

But this ain’t 1994, folks.  Welcome to the future. Like a time traveler, I usually feel alienated and perplexed by the wonders around me. Smashing Pumpkins has been replaced by the prestigious Lil’ Wayne. We have white boards, not chalkboards. The fire alarms aren’t bells anymore; they’ve been changed to resemble the bizarre electronic screech of a robot being stabbed in the kidney.* There are security cameras in every hallway. Attendance is taken on the computer. Ipods and cell phones are constantly being confiscated. Oh, and I’m not 14 anymore, I’m 28. So that’s different too.

So what’s a disgruntled teacher to do?

Blog that shit.

See you on the first day of school.

* In the year 2010, robots will have kidneys and penises.